thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
