I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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