trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
