sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
