We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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