the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
