Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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