Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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