It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
