wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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