i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize