I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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