dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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