i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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