i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
