who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
