It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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