mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
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Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
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I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.