is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am