well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
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My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
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Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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