Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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