this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
