It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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