Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
