Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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