dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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