Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
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I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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