Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
