I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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