i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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