I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
