he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I want her autograph on my taint
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
