so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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