Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
we should paint friendship bongs
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