I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
