And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize