What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
