No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
