I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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