you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
