I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
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It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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