will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
