I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
