You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
