hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
