I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
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I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
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I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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