just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
