Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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