I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
