I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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