Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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