mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?