I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I need to stop coming to work sober
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I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
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She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights