I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
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i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
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I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.