I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
21 Horny People Confess Their Boldest Sexual Advances
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing