you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
