but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.