happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
