Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
