did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
