I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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