Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
