I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
