Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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