So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
