he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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