And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
