I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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