Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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