my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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